Breakdown

Yep. I had one yesterday. I think every nine-month pregnant person deserves to have one every now and then. This past month has just been a roller coaster. Two weeks ago we were in the hospital having contractions and sent home because of no dialation. From that day forward, it's all I think about. It consumes my brain and I think yesterday was my breaking point.

From the night that we were in the hospital, I have been having steady contractions. Not very strong, but lots throughout the day. I went to the doctor three days later and was 1cm dialated. Good news, I thought. So, the past week, I've been having the same kind of contractions everyday. Go to doctor again yesterday.... still 1cm. He said the baby's head and shoulders need to drop more and that will put things in motion. So, I was sent home with exercises and told to walk walk walk.

So, that's what I will do. It will give me something to focus on. Which is good, because when I went home, I just lost it. I know she's not due yet. I know it's a little irrational. But, when you have family and friends messaging you throughout the day everyday asking if there is a baby yet, it gets tiring. So, I cried. And I cried. I told MJ I can't do this anymore and I want to quit. To see the look on the poor man's face who knew nothing of what to say. He just held me and I cried it out.

I feel more at peace now, though. She will come when she will come. I will do my exercises and stay distracted throughout the day. We go back to the doctor next Thursday, which would be 2 days after our original due date.

Until then, I will enjoy the time with MJ while he is on vacation. I need to enjoy this time off work and not just wait. This is supposed to be a beautiful experience, not an anxiety-filled craziness. So, whatever it will be, it will be.

I'm just along for the ride.